At 23, Ananya Banerjee finds it difficult to sleep at night. She talks to herself all the time, but often can’t discipline the deluge of downbeat thoughts. There is the angst that she doesn’t matter to anyone at all, or that her life isn’t complete. What’s worse, there’s no one to know how she feels. Sometimes, she wonders whether her high-flying job is worth staying in Mumbai for, while her family enjoys life in a small town in Madhya Pradesh. Sometimes she wonders whether life is worth living at all. At such times, she heads to the nearest mall to shop till she literally drops. The other day she bought every little thing that fascinated her on the street - whether it was of any use or not - over five hours of aimless shop-hopping. Banerjee has friends, colleagues, acquaintances but all seem to be busy with their own lives.Banerjee is a rule more than the exception in Mumbai today, the city that throbs with life and loneliness 24/7. The big print is that the city is all about working hard and playing harder. Many have essayed the Mumbaiiite’s quintessential vim and vigor. Yet, the fine print is not so glossy because it talks about loneliness following successful, well-placed Mumbaiites from the boardroom to the bar.
Mihir Shahani who came here four years ago and currently works with a media agency; put it, “Mumbai is a dangerous city for anyone who doesn’t have enough work to occupy all of one’s hours and thoughts. If you have too many free days here, you have had it.”
Is it really that bad? “Yes, it is,” says Shahani. “Everyone’s booked here. And if you have to keep pace, you have to book yourself every minute. I do so too, out of fear. Though these days I have turned into a workaholic, even if I have nothing to do, I never admit it. If someone calls during the day, and I am sitting around I’d say that I’m in a meeting or I am sleepy.” Shahani is one of those who try to cope by telling themselves again and again that loneliness is common, it isn’t a personality defect, “I realize that one mustn’t pretend he or she is not lonely when one is sometimes. I have started to accept the same and that’s why I am happier, the pretending no longer exists.”
Almost proving his point is, Kyathi Parekh, a BPO employee, a resident of Shivaji park, with no relatives in town, answers her phone herself saying that ‘Madam’ is out of town, when you call up for a chat. She explains, “Earlier, I used to sit at home and drink myself silly. Now I try to stay in constant touch with my family on the phone, and immerse myself in work and more work.”
It’s a fact that loneliness occurs more in hugely-populated big cities, where distances and long hours of commuting lead to difficulty in communication. It’s created by the culture of individuality that’s now the norm in Mumbai, as against its history of hospitality.
Dr. Vilas More explains, “There’s this custom of not ‘disturbing’ friends, relatives and neighbours that has suddenly assumed importance here. Relationships are becoming formal all around.” Leave alone dropping in on anyone, the likes of Parekh don’t even call anyone any longer without a go-ahead first through SMS. The ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign has walled everyone in. No one is accessible.
“Combine this with the air of cut-throat competition, which ensures that people don’t divulge in one another any more lest they give out important information - and the isolation is complete,” adds Dr. More.
Evita Dcruz, a fashion designer who came to the city eight years ago says, “I’ve seen Mumbai changing people drastically. For instance, sometimes, when I’ve had a day off I have tried catching up with old college friends. But I have only received polite rebuffs. It’s sad that friends, who were once close to me, have turned so cold in life. I would say it’s the city that’s at fault. It sucks you into its culture.”
The loneliest souls will agree, though, that Mumbai is a great city to work in. The work atmosphere is professional. But coping with loneliness is a full-time job. The usual outlets of longer and longer working hours, affairs, kitty groups, obsession with exercise, forming internet friendships and turning to spirituality apart, there is the trend of ‘reinventing’ oneself in Mumbai. Some discover the artist in themselves, some turn to acting or writing. Since money is often not an issue, these hobbies and passions can be kept alive to stave off a few hours of unwelcome solitude.
Sometimes the methods of coping are negative. And it isn’t just a cliché that it’s lonely at the top. A top socialite from the entertainment world or corporate, for instance, who is caught in a bad marriage but has no one to talk to, does put up an artificial face, but admits that once home, the need for sleeping pills, two at a time, is realized.
Looks like the time has come for Mumbai to have support groups for people, to provide help in a structured way.
Also by surya
- Quizzing - Passion, art and career - August 24th, 2007
- Disabled by the system - June 20th, 2007
- Broken People - April 29th, 2007
- A Different Love - December 4th, 2006
- Women of a Different Mould - November 27th, 2006